CODEpendency Recovery Alchemy

This is a process rainbow kintsugi that I feel necessary to publish before its completion, because the world is currently such a pressure cooker. We have a Great Work to accomplish, and it's not even a political stripe. It is the struggle simply to coexist in integrity. We have relationship problems and stress regulation problems that need to be solved directly and not scapegoated as that crazy individual over there. If you feel anything I have written needs correction, my appropriate contact details are on this website. If you think you might be codependent, I am offering my support to you. You are welcome to contact me and I will share everything I know on how to heal. We could even arrange a mutual aid swap.


I’ve been in codependency recovery for four+ years. The majority of the struggle I have faced has been learning to deal with the external reactions, so I am not so good at describing my exclusively internal experience of it yet. But as a dear friend puts it, 'codependency' is:
    "...looking for care, presence and empathy from another human, and being devastated by its lack. I pour it onto another to get it back".
Four years ago, I had been living for other people’s needs my whole life, and was burnt out in every way from really unhealthy relationships. I even ended up with this mysterious debilitating fever and migraine illness. What some call 'shamanic sickness'. What’s worse, I didn’t know myself very well, because under the role, there was a much more vital, loving, flexible person. My first couple of months of self-love were horrific and dangerous, because I had been programmed from childhood to self-destruct if I ever did anything beyond the superficial in my own real interest. The only friends who were interested in my internal state backed off, because they had chosen to deal with their pain through anti-depressants, and I hadn't yet learnt how to ask for help in clear enough ways. They saw my decision to risk my life to actually get better as high maintenance and bewildering. But the mass of humanity were not born with the wrong chemical in their brains. After the first couple of months, the experience of getting in touch with my problems, and my genuine likes and dislikes; self-parenting back into a responsibly assertive adult state, getting into my body, building skills etc gave me joy, power and happiness on a daily basis that I never thought were possible in this lifetime. My life before codependency recovery was only worth living in the sense that I didn’t die before I got the chance to heal. Life after is actually worth living and worth defending, and we need to before it's too late.


Up until recently, I have not had the privilege of enough time of self-discovery to arrive at a First Principle of codependency recovery, and so my approach has lacked a dynamic core which would illuminate resource paths in an ecological framework. In light of the current state of the world, as I write this section in early July of 2020, I think it is imperative to define my highest quality of life principle as the healthy Selfhood that enables total cocreation of our world, on the social, political and metaphysical level. We cannot do what needs to be done without the ability for win-wins in healthy relationships, with every facet of our whole. We cannot do this without being able to rest in the tension between difference and sameness that is our individual's soul engagement with a world that is alive and immediate and needs our positive engagement and custodianship.


Codependency is a relationship paradigm rather than an individual mental illness paradigm. When the codependent is alone, they aren’t especially ill. It’s largely a relationship boundary problem. Infact, codependent empaths tend to be extremely flexible and resilient, which is why they are tapped for time and energy in the first place, but because of their inaccurate negative self-image, they use their own intelligence against themselves to get out of cognitive dissonance with the narcissist to preserve the peace. Codependency isn’t a common paradigm in Australia. This peace is often enforced pervasively by other codependent caregivers. Therapists prefer to treat individuals’ internal problems. I study traditional Hellenistic astrology, which has only recently been discovered and translated. It has a more grounded ethos that has not much to do with post-Theosophical Society evolutionary astrology. I am Aries sun sign and when I related in an attached way to that, I have tended to be very open and messy and carefree, but these days I am constantly having to be intensely discerning. The discernment process is always a reintegration of innate perceptive abilities which have been dissociated by cognitive dissonance. It isn't taught through being undermined. I’ve found codependency recovery to be the best approach for me in areas which I had found no solutions for for decades. I haven’t found any therapists practising in it here, but Ross Rosenberg puts out some good information from the USA. In this video, he identifies four stages of codependency recovery, and what to expect at each point. He says the first stage is the hardest, and the last stage is the most rewarding. I wish I had watched this first or had a therapist, in hindsight. You can also seek therapy with the coaches I feature in this text. I highly recommend Lisa A. Romano, Spartan Life Coach and Ross Rosenberg.


C-PTSD is not in the DSM, but is being considered for inclusion. As an internalised PTSD, it includes a self-image warped by trauma, emotional disregulation, and problems in relationships. An individual can develop a wide variety of mental health or relationship issues as a by-product of the coping mechanisms for CPTSD. CPTSD is the underlying condition for the entire spectrum of interrelatonal disorders, from high empathy codependency on one end, right through to psychotic predatorial pathologies on the other. The common thread is poor boundaries with inaccurate internal modelling of external objects. CPTSD is extremely common in our society, and not something one can realistically catastrophise and conflate with antisocial personality disorder and skapegoat away, but when does skapegoating ever need to be realistic? Empathy isn't just a label that makes people special. It is a real spectrum, and can also contribute to a character flaw in people with porous boundaries. Codependency recovery is the call of many lifetimes to do something of wider necessity and import. I would like to frame codependency as the shadow of collective mental illness, whilst acknowledging that our current paradigm doesn't allow adequate resources to implement the necessary changes. We need to change our paradigm now, as I strongly believe that codependency recovery is not only relevant to, but lies at the heart of the flourishing of all spiritual and political movements of value.

For me, CPTSD was easier to cure than the codependency relationship wiring. CPTSD took two months of neurologically-focussed hypocampal-volume growth to heal. I experienced CPTSD as neurophysiological disregulation of stress hormones such as norepinephrine and cortisol. Three pillars of my CPTSD recovery were breath meditation, learning a new skill such as a language, and aerobic exercise. A woman more intelligent than myself, Lisa A. Romano, said it took her seven years of non-stop work to recover from codependency, which is how long it takes cells to fully REGENERATE. I am fully shifting gears into the second half, and it's an expedential perspective shift, getting over the trauma of sudden freedom.


There are two types of people pleasers. One type is the covert narcissist, and the other type is the codependent empath. In Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the person internalised a tyrannical caregiver as a child, and now keeps that stunted child in chains. The tyrant is a false self, and if there is any empathy left in the person, it is never able to make it to the surface. Covert Narcissists can switch into a primary psychopathy when they feel a loss of control. In Borderline Personality Disorder, the person internalised the oppressed/oppressor dichotomy as a child to such an extent that in adulthood they perceive every relationship as victimisation. This condition was a survival response in terms of being able to actively combat an abusive narcissistic parent, and so the borderline is able to employ incredibly effective predatorial techniques on their victims, and feel vindicated in the process. Borderlines can switch into secondary psychopathy and still have empathy. Infact, there is a tendency to wear their stunted inner child on their sleeve, presenting reality as its opposite, love bombing, then devaluing in order to enthrall into the same tyrannical identity-theft hole.

Sam Vaknin is working on a treatment for NPD based in the old school Freudian tradition of 'Narcissistic Mortification'. Narcissistic Mortification involves attacking the tyrannical false ego to give the true self a brief chance at realising their subjugation. Under no circumstances should Narcissistic Mortification be employed on either a codependent or a borderline, as these people are struggling to regain a healthy ego, and this is the ultimate form of abuse against such people. Having recently met a registered therapist who is employing Narcissistic Mortification on people they've screened with vulnerable boundaries to join their fauxpagan underground Satanic-Buddhist ritual group, I can say that even in using the method of Narcissistic Mortification on a Narcissist, all you are doing is teaching them how to start cults and fuck people up, and do so without even realising they're hurting people. With compassion, I assert that therapists and people in any position of power need to realise that other people are real and separate to them, and have different needs. Rather, if we treat our world as one living system containing NPD, with the development of a healthy co-creating Self as a guiding principle, we will generate a framework and resources through our own empowerment, to help that minority of sufferers
, instead of putting them on a pedestal, and sacrificing all resources to our current Moloch system of normalisation. We could be helping eachother more by acknowledging the system of self-dispossession we exist in and are recreating.

I'm appreciating the phenomena of Vaknin's treatment for NPD as I'm in this postliminal incline of the healing process. Getting my head around his idea that narcissists seek out people who will burst their bubble, because the moment their tower falls is their only opportunity for emancipation from their false self. This could be why my codependency recovery has been so oppressed by stalking and harassment, because a disempowered codependency recovery process is sadly a potential tool of stagnating self-flagellation by the narcissist.
Both my parents have borderline personality disorder, and I had unwittingly surrounded myself with people with BPD, and so when I began being assertive and drawing boundaries, people guilt-tripped, robbed and abandoned me. I have been constantly stalked ever since, to the point of erotomania. The first step in codependency recovery is to set boundaries with narcissistic people and reclaim a distinct identity (not the last step) as the narcissist desperately tries to transgressively relate. It is unhelpful in facilitating self-responsibility, to further project other people's flaws and problems on newly recovering codependents, because they should be allowed to have and explore their own for once.


I have learnt to embrace the suffering and hardwork of my own problems, but it takes an extra level of gentility, patience, love and forgiveness to deal with the learned helplessness of the wounded child and fully accept the ground that needs to be covered. It takes love alone to stand at the base of that second climb and decide to begin. To really feel that screaming helplessness and just sit with it and be ok with it before realising the power to get moving is quite an experience. Over the years I have built an internal castle for myself (based on the book ‘Interior Castle’ by St Teresa of Avila, which I don’t recommend to anyone with internalised Abrahamic issues). My friend who also is in codependency recovery recommended a book called ‘The Rules’. She said its an outdated sexist book for women on how to date men, but that it worked. I rejected her suggestion at the time, but I think you need both the internal and inter/external framework. You could be the most together person inside, but if you don’t have that relationship architecture, you’ll still struggle. And vice versa.

Spartan Life Coach also talks about the Jungian self-concept of ‘House and Garden’. I actually disliked the video because he made a stigmatising, inaccurate statement about people on the autism spectrum. But, to boil it down, for people with weak boundaries, when getting to know someone, say on a Tinder date, you can visualise the person entering through your front gate and walking up your garden path to the facade of your house, and then coming into the kitchen for a cup of tea and a relatively short conversation. They dont stay all day, and you don’t show them your bedroom or tell them about your finances or burden them with your concepts of mental illness, for example. In my evolution, I haven't yet encountered Tinder as good for anything except practising good boundaries with people who also have issues with boundaries. But it has been really useful for that for me, and the reality of us all having some difficulties to negotiate with boundaries becomes much easier to navigate the more I heal. I get confused about discussing things like this in public, precisely because I had a Rule not to share this stuff on first dates. Its the same with group spiritual practices where people are invited to shed their boundaries and connect. It just seems indicative of volatile boundaries on social media.

Codependency recovery is about going deep, and getting your hands dirty, but also an Earthing.. It's not a desperate persona neatening process to make oneself appear like one has their shit together for others. It doesn't get you more social acceptance than taking Abilify. But it goes get you real relationships. Apeing the process discredits codependency recovery amongst those codependents who are looking for excuses not to change, because change is painful. It is far better to educate oneself adequately about how to practice discernment, rather than treat the process like it iself is wishy washy game. I have used my educated discernment to navigate dangerous domestic and financial abuse situations, for example. In a codependent paradigm, it's not really possible to put oneself in the shoes of a person with such an alien way of thinking. We think we have things under control by projecting our empathy onto these people. Despite the traumatically crazy-making, mind-breaking deception of realising narcissistic abuse, controlling behaviour is neurologically more robotic, so with mindfulness, it becomes possible to predict, observe and cauterise the destruction. But ultimately, those individuals who move on in their path sincerely will become powerful. In terms of social justice, for example, it becomes clear after only a few years, who has genuinely been working on issues, and who has been putting all their time into online smear campaign and gang-stalking groups. So the only question those standing-by need ask is how their communities will tolerate true empowerment towards the kinds of effective mutual aid strategies and networks, which only become possible after its members are Self-realising.

The ongoing backlash I faced led to things like racing thoughts, pleas for assistance, paranoia, anger and frustration, and substance abuse. Over time, I have learnt to get on top of these things like a sage mostly. Basically without much help from anyone until the last few months, as I’ve gone back over an exhaustive inventory of every individual I know, assessed them and given them a few chances, but unfortunately, much of that entire era is unworkable with my current boundary-skill-level. It’s a difficult skill to pivot out of that intensity into creating slow, relaxed relationships. Its helpful to view the whole thing as one system and expect and prompt patient mutual reflection. But I'm still pretty angry about it. It's amazing though how beautiful the flaws of true friends are, compared to the tedium of sinister bad vibes in psy-op relationships.


In his book 'Philosophical Midwifery', Pierre Grimes asserts that since Homer, it is the greatest goal of the Western individual to realise their full potential, and to battle the Pathalogos of the false Self, which can originate in the family of origin. He warns that if we fail to do this, we will project these problems in the world, and this is what leads to conflict and war. It is clear to any sensible person that there is injustice in the world, there is privilege and lack thereof, which prevents individual's from fulfilling Self-realisation. Before we fight for social justice, we must integrate these opposing forces in ourselves through facing the pathological demons of our own origin. In the purpose of judicial hygeine and simply good boundaries, every situation need not stigmatise another. When it is enabled to, it becomes a system of scarcity created by false personas which need constant feeding from outside, creating the pressures that lead to individuals getting scapegoated and buried. That precludes any chance anyone has to move forward in connecting with true self and the true selves of others.

As someone with a codependent background, I tended to stick around in unhealthy relationships, trying to push and manipulate the other parties into being more honest. Whilst I've lacked the core predation and identiy-theft issues of the borderline, at times my transgressive attempts to control situations were abusive. I am on the autism spectrum, and had social problems and emotional meltdowns when I was younger. Self-examination is the shadow guardian of developing responsible assertiveness, as you need to fully know and trust yourself. That's why most activists have favoured indirect strategies to challenge things. There's plenty of treasure to dig up on me, more to dig in me, but I am demonstrably making more cutting criticisms than most. I am working on it. We might aswell be real with eachother, because this shit is being candied behind our backs anyway,
and these issues have much larger concerns at this critical point. We are well past Godwin's Law. Hannah Arendt identifies totalitarianism as a self-rationalising fractal that shrinks the space of free movement between people. She calls this space 'The World'. Consider the egregore of Communism, and the digital jails being created by the Chinese Communist Party and a growing number of uncreatives, churning as a counterpoint to the growing emergence of true creatives onto the world stage now.

I was even mouthier when I was young, but I would argue that I've only ever sought to build people's true selves up, and have never undermined anyone's true self. We can't overcome our issues if we aren't allowed to have our own, and my issues don't overshadow anyone else's responsibilities. It's textbook NPD to hyper-vigilantly surveil another human being, and micromanage every petty detail of their existence, whilst totally dismissing their essence, as if they can't manage without the abuse. Just look up the statistics on the wellbeing of adults on the autism spectrum in our society. Only 1% of people bother. We are far more likely to experience severe abuse than ever be a serious abuser. Yet it is so easy to stigmatise us because of the way we communicate, which is often too blunt, non-hierarchial and perfectionist, which neurotypical people wrongly project onto as threatening and gameplaying. But we tend to be vaulable systems-thinkers and deeply loyal people. The term 'neurotypical' originally meant someone not on the autism spectrum, but has now been reappropriated by the mental health community. I find that really offensive, as the autism movement was about changing society so that autism is an asset rather than a burden. Now its just become another catch-all grievance politic, and organisations make a big show of welcoming us, but they don't even bother to do the most superficial research to glean these basic facts.

My pariahdom snowballed from the beginning of my codependency recovery because I was trying to do a lot of neutral documentation in my feminist scene. I was, and still am, passionate about methodologies of intersectionally restorative mediation and/or justice for gendered violence. Those methodologies continue to be patronised and reappropriated by people who aren't self-realised enough to understand, enact or participate in them. Buzzwords such as 'boycott' or 'safespace' are used out of the context of their original intention within a process, to maintain the status quo for the gatekeeper, where people are encouraged to seek informal, rather than government-funded or legal support. As a lesbian, its ironic that the majority of the stalking and harassment has been channeled through queer networks, which back then at least, were led and gatekept by people so desperate to continue their transgressive need to control others, that they’d contradict their basic politics to form a cointelpro circular firing squad of all the other personality-disordered half-people projecting their own core shame onto free agents who didn't want to pay their toll.

Anybody on Facebook who criticises any aspect of call-out culture is now deemed to be a member of a privileged class who must automatically have something to hide. They are investigated to find examples of people with less privilege that they had abused. When nothing substantial is found, its made up. People they convince to bear witness are used up and thrown away after they've outlived their usefulness.The overarching necessity of always believing the victim is now totally corrupted!
The collapse of political positions into their opposite is difficult to integrate, isolating in itself, but ultimately valuable. Why would anyone make this stuff up or engage in petty dissent, given that their life has basically been over when they do? Prove me wrong this time, instead of just attacking me personally because you can't contend with the content. I'm not in a leadership position, being facilitated through any restorative justice process that ethically justifies my silencing, so what's the difference, for example, between dismissing me by conflating other blog entries I've written on my background and personal life in order to discredit me, and attempting to discredit rape survivors in court? My crime is not stroking the ego of tyrannical saviours. Whilst we need to see that collective narcissism is fluid and takes great love to tackle, I think the toilet paper people impulse brings to light the faded clown parade of codependent narcissism, and how gaslit I have been for being told I was oversensitive. But it's been exciting to see others emerging from the woodwork during these times of great tumult, ready to create healthier movements outside of nothing but Facebook addiction, in my opinion.

When I was stuck in that world, I felt a massive amount of pressure to micromanage my own self-representation, because if I didn't, it got micromanaged by the collective, and people I allowed in my immediate circle were often more infuenced by cultural stories than creating our own relationship, because we were all codependent. It oftentimes isn't even a matter of a fear to stand by the truth, with people that are counterdependent, they have experienced love and intimacy as annihilating, and so these communication breakdowns are subterraneously on purpose. I had huge amounts of resentment about this passive aggression, as a desperate attempt to stave off the rage. But I’ve been taking turkeytail mushroom, and not only has my physical burn-out healed, but in parallel, I have been feeling my anger coming up, and learning to control it as an alchemical vessel to cleanse me of all the toxic things inside me holding me back from healthy interdependence, and also to actively defend what is valuable in my life.

Because the codependent saviour is the prevailing role in left wing activism, people who heal themselves are seen as tragic, unwell figures at best. The idea that personalities are dynamic has not yet been assimilated. With only the false image of any support, one can end up being stomped through the cracks. What started out as mass shadowblocking for me, ended up in mass cyberstalking, which then grew into bothering me in my own home and gaining a key to my house through my BPD housemate via Tinder, which led to me fleeing and moving in with a notorious psychopathic predator of the queer and migrant communities, which led to me seeking out people who had lived in my room before me, which led to me being given the number of a trial-run government-funded queer housing initiative, whom actually treated me with respect for the first time in years. It's a shame that it had to get to that point, since despite demonstrating unusually high mental health for the situation, and willingness to participate constructively in the project as a whole, this situation still stigmatised me as a tragic victim-outsider, and so I wasn't able to build networks or participate in any mutual aid as part of it, as that would have been deemed 'an unhealthy, retraumatising boundary transgression'. Its easy to typecast these people if you ignore the cause, which we can all more easily do something about. Ironic too, that the person giving me respect turned out to be good friends with one of the queer gatekeepers. But hey, that's a perfect example of how narcissistic/codependent relationships work, and how pervasive they are throughout the structures of our society.


The internet was supposed to be the greatest alchemy for facilitating all people to full universal Selfhood. But, as Jaron Lanier, one of the inventors of VR says, it got compromised by addictive, anti-democratic social media platforms that shrink the middle and creative class by not paying for content. Microsoft just patented a bioadaptive multi-interfacing skin that you can plug your body into and be paid for consuming online and offline experience. It becomes a hypnogogic fine line between transcendence and mere escape from The Cave. Marie Cachet claims that Plato's Cave is an echo of ancient pagan reincarnation rituals where children are Initiated into adulthood through psychological tests inside the sacred cave, where it is made clear which children were involved in the programming of the test itself in a prevous life. These Initiation rituals still exist today. It's a creative idea that I find of use to a truer pagan culture fragmented through genocide, regardless of its solidity. My personal experience with joining esoteric groups at the moment is that we are quick to point the finger at other groups' unethical behaviour and total failure to effect positive, genuine improvement, yet we have been as bad, only much better at hiding it. People without a strong sense of self tend to adopt cultish behaviours which appear edgy but are ultimately unfulfiling. So I think there can then be an intellectually narcissistic attempt to reframe the abuse of others as the need to non-consensually 'initiate' others into their superior paradigm of their own self-created matrix of projection.

But the idea that we live in a technologically programmed false reality is itself potentially a false reality. Jason Reza Jorjani has argued that Plato's ideal of The Forms was itself a Noble Lie designed to bring order to a conflicted populus. We are in need of a new cosmological idea today which integrates the human population back into a healthy biome as a living liminial/quantum tech/animist system. And so this Noble Lie needs to be replaced with a Noble Truth which readies us for the potentially existentially overwhelming power of free energy, which is also beginning to be patented by the military finally in the public arena due to increasing viable competition from private parties. We have had the technology for quite awhile now, but we need to develop the responsibility to harness it safely, and we have hardly any time left to act on climate change. Even if you don't believe in climate change, the level of destructive pollution and consumption is undeniable. It's an unnecessarily divisive debate, again.

I find strictly dualist paradigms like materialism, or monist paradigms like Gnosticism, California Oneness Yoga, Buddhism and Christianity to often retain the traces of an incessant signature of a toxic escapism; the black and white thinking, condemnation splitting, helplessness, resentiment - all symptoms of a personality disorder. I consider Satanism to be another Abrahamic religion to a much less black and white extent. As a free spirit who has been inflicted with direct encounters with a large evil of some kind, I can totally understand why others like me would embrace Christianity or the stockholm syndrome of SOME Western ceremonial magick, so easily corrupted by your own baggage. I would strongly urge you to consider purifying the religions of your ancestors instead. There are powerful beings there, which may have indeed been twisted through colonisation, but like you, they can be healed and harnessed. Our current mainstream view of psychology, which I think is also just as corrupted as everywhere else, tends to treat the mass of humanity like their brain chemicals are suffering from original sin. How on Earth did we all evolve to have the wrong brain chemicals?! Nature does not need 'a break' from us. I’ve been diving into my pagan heritage, which is Nordic on both sides, but also Maori and Chinese. I always try to follow the most pagan (aka indigenous) path. I recommend watching Richard Tarnas' 5-part youtube series on 'The Passion of the Western Mind', because he tells an inspiring, yet also compassionate historicism of 'The Western Project' from the Selfhood of Christianity, pointing to our current need to reintegrate Cartesian dualism without losing the newfound agency of the Self in a living universe.

Moving towards relationship cosmological paradigms, whilst the Christian movement of the Self began to abort its own children, leading to the fractal of forking Suffrage debates of the Left currently, the Christian tradition has 'Dual-Aspect Monism to offer.
Along these lines of research- AGENTIAL REALISM and Karen Barad's Agential Realism. These are philosophies which seek a more rigourous, living application of discoveries in quantum physics than the solipcistic 'The Secret', which fails to consider the cocreative reality of an endless number of essences, nested within higher essences in quantum entanglement with our own creativity. Eastern traditions have their own issues, but the I Ching has always served as a complete map of all possible conditions for all time, rather than requiring a linear apocalpytic progression. Similar to quantum wave collapse, Taoist internal alchemy, for example, first seeks to return and purify a being to its basic elements. The conclusions drawn by Agential Realists about The Quantum Eraser Experiment can be argued to be merely involving the act of measurement rather than human consiousness. But there are also numerous attempts to examine the relationship of human consciousness to measurement as a tool, such as Heidegger's 'The Question Concerning Technology' and Bense's 'Self-Automobile Technology'. In the latter, the 'driving self' is compared to the 'acting car'. These materialist and/or existentialist concepts can again be compared to the Taoist concept of wuwei, or 'spontaneous nondoing' and 'intentional doing'.

Technocracy has been mediating our loving and acting for years, and is now making a powermove to erode the idea, for example, that
real relationships are precious without it being an attachment, possession, transaction or role. If you went and lived on Mars for a few years and were granted the miracle of returning to Earth, you would treat every individual leaf on every inter-related tree like a precious gift and you wouldn’t ever say that it was less real than the universal. A bit after I began codependency recovery, I tried to quit Facebook. I feel like people started treating me as if I didn't matter anymore. As if I had announced that we had no mutual USE-value anymore, and so I wasn't included or invited to things. I thought and still think that people who quit Facebook are potentially opening up new, more robust ways of 'knowing people, getting news, and having a life' as Jaron Lanier puts it. So we should be supporting them, rather than treating them as difficult. I still do have to use it for some things, but the majority of my life is spent participating in pre-existing robust community groups which do real things, rather than virtue signaliing charities merely incessantly rebranded as 'mutual aid'. I really didn't have much opportunity to know people again until Covid lockdown, when people became more interested in talking, had more time and curiousity. I get most of my news through people talking to me about things they've read and asking my opinion, which I can then go and factcheck more directly. I don't feel like I understand the state of the world any less for that. I'm free to think and decide for myself about what I believe and how I act. Human beings play a direct role in cocreating nonlinear reality. Darryl Schoon has put forward the idea that our unprocessed emotions are linked to earth events. In my experience, this is true.


In the face of seemingly overwhelming oppression, especially in childhood when we lack autonomy, we tend to take our Good out of the world and store it in the Ideal realm, away from being destroyed simply for the the crime of its imperfection in growth and incompletion. And then we go around this world igniting external objects with our desire for the Ideal and in the process, denigrating the things of this world, which aren’t really thing-vessels. To create the Good in this world is an act of magic where the self-realised individual through their Will is able to hold their Good in themselves as they initiate, whilst allowing the Ideal to fall away in the vortex. They allow the possible to ignite those vortices which monists and dualists call 'nothing and emptiness', and allow the Good to change and become imperfect as it interacts with this world. Because the possible doesn’t need to be perfect. Perfection is only useful in order to store the Good when it can’t be used. It is death, which is valuable too. But there is a saying I can't quite place the source of, that says there is nothing more fiercely nostalic than the longing for that which never existed. Or as Kurt Cobain said:
    "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."
It’s time we moved on from nostalgic longing and create the world we want to live in and be ourselves while we're here.

Emma Cass Songdahl
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